


Lean On Me

by bitchaotic



Category: Glee
Genre: Depression, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Some Humor, Talk of Suicide, i dont really know what this is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2018-11-14 06:40:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11202537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitchaotic/pseuds/bitchaotic
Summary: Dave Karofsky understands what Kurt is going through, and encourages him to get the help he needs.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is or where it's going. This is the first thing I've written in months because of my own depression.

Kurt couldn't bring himself to even get out of bed most of the time. His skin care regimen stopped almost completely, only washing his face on his good days. He still brushed his teeth in the mornings, but didn’t some nights because he couldn't handle being awake anymore. His good grades fell, and his friendships were all threatened. He hadn't thought about suicide since he was a freshman, but all of a sudden, it was the only thing on his mind.

Kurt stopped preforming in Glee club, telling Mr. Schue that he was having throat issues. All he had to do was sit in the background and snap along to everyone else's songs. It was a relief to not feel the pressure of standing in front of people and letting his emotions show. Before he even came out, everyone assumed he was gay because he was too emotional. He couldn't let himself seem vulnerable, because that's when you get attacked. Weakness equals a slushie to the face, and maybe a trip to the dumpster. For the most part, he didn't even dress up. Every day was a different sweater, not worn purely because of the brand name, but because it helped him hide himself.

His friends were concerned at the lack of texts and the small amount of talking during school. Something was wrong with Kurt. He was sure that there was a group chat not including him where they just brainstormed what could be wrong. His phone stayed on mute due to the constant stream of messages from friends, family, and even Mr. Schuester. He sent single word text in response to a few.

_Is everything okay?_

**_Yes._ **

_Is it your dad? Is something going on with him that's making you act this way?_

_**No.** _

_Do you need a girl's night?_

_**No**._

 

After reading the mile of texts from Rachel about him; her and Finn's relationship; how she wants to do a duet with him; something her dad said; and a ton of song ideas that she wanted to do for Glee club, an alert showed a new text from David Karofsky.

_Kurt, it's Dave. Karofsky. I overheard some of your friends talking about you, they're all really worried. Are you okay?_

**_No._ **

_I'm here to talk, if you want. You kept my secret, so I'll keep yours. I've been through my fair share of shit, so maybe I can help with yours._

His phone returned to it's place on his nightstand, and he didn't move until it was time for him to make dinner. He felt like a mess, but his father needed to taken care of. He knew that Finn would help by making dinner, but they would end up needing to order out if he tried. He ate what was necessary to avoid questions, and went back to his room. Finn followed him minutes later, a sad smile hinting at how much it bothered him to see his usually overexcited brother be curled up on his bed, staring at the wall.

"I don't know what's going on with you, but you have friends that want to help you. And family that worries. I never know what to tell Burt when he asks why you're in your room so much.. I know there's something wrong, but we can't help until you let us... We love you- I love you. You're my brother, man. I want you to be happy," Finn trailed off, watching as Kurt's phone continued to blink to let him know he had messages. After no response, he mustered up his best smile and left Kurt alone with his thoughts.

**_I've never felt so pathetic. Even when I was covered in slushie and garbage, I felt better than I do now. How did you get help after you.. after everything that happened last year?_ **

_Therapy, mostly. You have to ask for help first, let your dad know what's going on._

**_I don't even know what's going on._ **

_Tell him what you're feeling. He needs to know that something is wrong._

**_What would I tell him is wrong. My brain hates me? I've never wanted to stop living more than I have these last months?_ **

**_I'm sorry, I didn't think before I sent that.._ **

_I understand. Don't do it, though, okay? The pain that you cause others when you try to commit suicide is almost unbearable. You're not alone._

**_I don't have the guts to do it._ **

_Good. Stay gutless._


	2. Chapter 2

David Karofsky would smile, small and secretly, at Kurt in the halls. Sometimes just a smile can help make a person feel at least a little bit better. It didn't work that way with Kurt, but the thought of it was appreciated. When Kurt would lay in bed for hours at a time, he'd sometimes think of all the smiles and kind words from his friends and family. Sometimes it made him feel a little better or it'd make him feel so much worse. That's the way depression works sometimes. Yeah, he gave it a name. He was depressed. It wasn't diagnosed, but it seemed obvious. Sometimes depression causes you to hate yourself for the way you treat your friends because you realize you don't deserve them. You know that they deserve better than the worthless piece of trash known as yourself. You _know_ that they don't need you.

 

Sometimes you hate how it seems impossible to be happy, despite all of the great things. Great friends, great weather, and what should be great days. For some reason, you can't force yourself to be happy. You can pretend, but it starts to hurt because as soon as you're alone, the bad seems to overwhelm you more than they usually would. They say happiness is a choice, but is it? He had all the reasons to be happy, to love his life, but yet, he couldn't.

 

**Do you regret it?**

 

_You mean trying to kill myself? No, I don't regret it._

 

**If this is too much, you don't have to answer... How did you feel during it?**

 

_At first, I was so angry and hurt. I thought it'd be easy. I thought things would be better without me. And then I couldn't breathe. At first, it was like the leap to happiness, but then it hit me. Things fucking sucked, but at that moment, all I could think of was what I'd be leaving behind. I don't regret it because I realized how okay things were and that things could be okay again._

 

**Are things are okay now?**

 

_Life isn't perfect, but I'm happier. There are people who care about me, I have real friends that don't judge me. My dad and I have a real relationship now. He's still weird about my sexuality but he doesn't try to make me be who I'm not. Things are better._

 

**Are you going to Finn's party tonight? I don't know who was invited, but there's a party at our house. If you want to come..**

 

_Yeah, sure. I'll be there._

 

Kurt had to shower and help Finn clean the place up a little. Their parents were taking a trip to visit Carole's sister. They'd be gone for the weekend, so Finn wanted to throw a "get together" after their finals. It started as a party with just the Glee club and a few football players. Then Puck turned it into a huge party promising a keg and a good time, inviting half the school. After showering for the first time in a few day, Kurt actually blow dried and fixed his hair up. He locked his door behind him. No one would be screwing in his room. Finn smiled when he came from his room without being asked. They worked together in silence, moving whatever was fragile into their parent's room. That door was locked as well. Puck came an hour early with enough booze to last an alcoholic a whole month, so it probably wouldn't be enough for half a school's worth of teenagers.

 

People filled into the house. It was a decent sized house, but it seemed tiny with all the people. After grabbing a drink, non-alcoholic, he went outside and sat in the grass. People came and went, probably a few came in a different sense as well, based off how handsy some were. Nothing said love like drunken groping. Brittany sat with him, playing with his hair.

 

"Happy?" she asked, taking a break from sipping on whatever was in his cup, no doubt 90% alcohol. Kurt smiled and nodded, not wanting to ruin her mood.

 

"Are you being honest?" The question caught him off guard, but he still just nodded. She wouldn't even remember the conversation by morning. She laid her head down on Kurt's lap, staring up at the stars. He ran his fingers through her long, blonde hair. It was soft. The mix of her soft hair and the quiet, but audible, beat of the music from inside helped him to relax. They stayed there for a while, silent but content. He didn't notice that someone had sat down next to him until he heard someone humming along to the music.

 

The three stayed quiet, just enjoying each other's presence for a while. Dave and Kurt only started to talk when Brittany fell asleep, her head still in his lap. It wasn't that Kurt didn't want her to hear, but it was easier to talk without a third person. Maybe a part of him didn't want her to know just how bad he was.

 

"It's nice to see you smile. I don't think I've ever seen you with a genuine smile," Dave commented, starting their conversation. It was probably true. Kurt didn't think bad of David because of what he'd done in the past, but he couldn't help but think that the reason he had never seen him smile was because his presence had freaked him out before. When Dave came back to McKinley, Kurt was already in the bad place he still remained. They texted while Dave was gone, but they never really spoke in person.

 

"How do you know this is genuine?" Kurt asked in return, the smile not leaving yet. It was real, and he felt okay the way he was, the way they were. He wasn't happy, per se, but things were good.

 

"Your eyes. They tell feelings that can't be expressed otherwise."

 

Kurt had never heard many kind words come from David's mouth, but he knew that there was wisdom in that brain of his when he wasn't forced to play a role that wasn't meant for him. He didn't play any sports now, and he stopped hanging out with the assholes that made him hate himself. He didn't have to be the big, mean jock that they wanted him to be. Now he was just himself, and he wasn't that bad.

 

Kurt looked down at Brittany, not wanting any other feelings to show in his eyes. It got quiet for a few minutes.

 

"Things will be okay," Dave whispered, watching as people who passed eyed them as though their existence was disgusting. Kurt used to be confident in who he was, but he didn't show it how he used to anymore. He didn't pretend to be into girls or lie about his sexuality. People still talked, though. Everyone knew he was a _fag_. No one said anything to him or his friends, but he could tell that people hated what he was, as though he chose to be different. He knew that not everyone was freaked out by him, but his brain made him think everyone besides his closest friends didn't like him. Sometimes his brain convinced him that his friends didn't like him either; he could usually push those thoughts away.

 

They didn't speak anymore, but it wasn't an awkward silence. It was comfortable. The only sounds were passing people, Brittany mumbling in her sleep, and the continuous beat of the stereo. People began to leave, but the three of them stayed in their places. Brittany could sleep in his bed, so he didn't bother waking her up when her ride left the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I will continue this in the next chapter, but I wanted to put something out to show that I am alive and things aren't bad.


End file.
